Saturday, July 23, 2011

The other woman...

I knew that eventually this day would come. I knew that at some point I would have to accept the fact that I would not be the only woman in his life. I would have to graciously step back and retract my lioness claws.

The Boy (going on 17) is completely enamoured with a girl. His first love.

You all would be proud of me. I have not attacked her. I have even let her into my home and managed not to take The Boy into my arms in front of her.

Protective much? You better believe it. Like a mother lion.

I like her. She is respectful and sweet. I like her mom as well. She thinks MY BOY has hung the moon. I guess we have something in common.

This summer has been a summer of maturity with The Boy. He is driving, he is working and he has a girlfriend.

This summer has been a summer of realization for me. My boy is spreading his wings and beginning to fly. Would it be wrong to clip his feathers and keep him home for just a little bit longer?

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Sex and Marriage part 2: Feeling Frisky or maybe not

Its been a long day. From the second you woke up, you have done nothing but perform the everyday task that are asked of you. Wether you stay at home with your children or you work outside the home (with adults that act like children), you most likely have had maybe a total of 22 minutes to yourself. 22 minutes in 2 or 3 minute increments - never 22 whole minutes all together.  I've been on both sides of the stay at home and work outside the home issues. In my experience neither is  easier or harder than the other. 

At the end of the day you are just plain tired and usually feeling frisky is at the bottom of your "to do" list. 

You also most likely do not feel pretty or even close to sexy. With us women that is a big deal, feeling sexy.  A daily shower is sometimes a huge accomplishment. FRUMPY - that's the word that comes to mind when I'm not feeling sexy. 

I think I felt Frumpy for at least 4-6 months after each baby was born. I can remember thinking "why in then world would he want to have sex with me?". I couldn't imagine that I was attractive at that point. Hair in the eternal bun or ponytail, dark bags under the eyes, if I was lucky legs shaved but usually just one, still rocking the granny panties and dryed up Lanisoh cream on my nipples. 

In fact at times I can remember being angry that Big Daddy wanted sex. Yes, Angry! Mad that he had been able to find his "mojo" so easily, or maybe mad that it never left him. Angry that his body hadn't been asked to go through what mine did, angry that my belly once was full and round and held such a glorious little creation and now it just looked like a frowning skin apron. But really angry that when he looked at me, I saw awe and gratitude in his eyes. All the things that made me feel frumpy, made him want me even more. I didn't understand it and I still don't but I appreciate it. 

Getting my sexy back was much easier after the first 3 were born. I was in my early and middle twenties and it just came easier then. With the last 2 I was 30 and 35 after their births. Finding my sexy, getting my groove back was much harder. Time was not on my side and my body was reeling from 2 pregnancies in my thirties. My body was also adjusting to just being in my thirties. 

To me getting my sexy back meant I needed to get my fat ass to the gym. Now in no way am I saying that SEXY is defined by how in shape you are. Sexy might mean something different to you. For me personally, I feel sexy when I am in shape. When the fat is peeled away and the muscles are taught and toned. 

My point with all this is to find what makes you feel sexy and make a commitment to yourself and do it. By "it" I mean whatever makes you feel sexy which in turn will lead to the actual doing of "it". 

Because you not feeling sexy, you feeling frumpy is a horribly lame excuse to not be jumping your husband bones. He is your husband and you are his wife and it is your duty to service him. 

I said it, it's your duty and you better be doing it with a smile on your face and glitter on your lady parts. Now with that being said he has a duty to you as well. He provides for your every need and protects you and your family with his life. I say it's a fair trade off.  Or at least thats how it works in my house. It has worked well and Big Daddy is an amazing provider and protector and well I thank him for that around 3-5 times per week.  

Now does it mean that in your marriage you need to be doing it 3-5 times per week, no it doesn't. Every marriage is different and the sex will vary through the different stages in your lives. Right now I'm good with 3-5 times per week but there were times when once every 2 weeks was like a miracle and we both were ok with that. We are both so keenly in tune with each other that during the low times, we just understood. Although I totally believe that if you go for more than 90 days in a funk then you need to sit down and figure it out. 

Marriage should be treated like a delicate flower. It needs attention all the time. I don't want y'all thinking that keeping your sex life up to par is just the wives responsibility. It's a 2 way street but typically men need directions to get the show on the road. 

For example: this is how NOT to get your husband to understand what you need
Wife (standing at the sink after dinner)- husband walks up behind her and does that penis gyrating rubbing motion thing that they think turns us on (it actually does turn me on, sorry) and whispers naughty things in her ear.
Wife reacts like this " I'm exhausted, I have dinner to clean up then laundry to fold and then baths for the little ones, I don't have time for this.
Husband reacts with " You are always tired" he then grabs a beer out the frig and plops his ass on the sofa and the only thing that is getting turned-on is the TV.

All that could have been avoided by learning how to speak to your husband. 
For example - same set up as above but say this after the penis gyrating rotation thing:" honey I can not wait to get in bed with you, can you help me clean up dinner then bathe the littles while I fold a load of laundry?" and then full on French kiss him, lots of tongue and even bite his lower lip a little. What happens then is quite miraculous, 2 adults join together and work as a team to accomplish the daily chores and in the end they are each rewarded with SEX. Sign me up bitches.

After awhile the need to ask for help around the house is not necessary, it just happens because he knows the reward will be time alone with you and you witnessing him help with the soul draining tasks around the house will be the biggest Turn on you could ever imagine.

Trust me, I know that getting your Sexy back and filling up the ole Frisky tank takes time and alot of work but you and your husband deserve it. 

So strap on the leather chaps, grab those reins and ride that cowboy!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Sex and Marriage… Part 1

Did your eyes light up when you saw the title or did you cringe just a little? It’s time to address the giant pink Elephant standing in the corner. I actually have a giant pick elephant standing in the corner or maybe that’s a sex swing, whatever.

I personally think sex is awesome and I like to have it a lot, with my husband (just making sure to set that straight). I also think sex is crucial in developing a long lasting healthy marriage. When I say sex I am not talking about just S E X – like a bottle of Boones Farm and the backseat of a Buick SEX – which may be how 3 out of 5 of my children were conceived. Don’t judge me.

I am talking about the moments we share with our spouse, the intimate time that we set aside to adore each other. To love each other, to show each other just how much they mean to us. Most of time those moments will turn into S E X, but not always and that’s ok.

I cannot tell you how Men do or should feel about sex or how Women should or do feel about sex. I can only tell you my thoughts and thoughts from friends that have opened up to me about this subject.

Recently I opened up a discussion on Facebook and asked for thoughts about SEX and Marriage. Honestly I did not think I would get any feedback. Boy was I wrong. It was great to read about the struggles and concerns that women have with SEX in their marriage. I even got a few comments from the men and it was really an eye opener.

I don’t think we as women, as mothers, as wives, as sisters, as daughters as friends talk about it enough. It almost seems like we shouldn’t. SEX is all around us and yet I really don’t discuss it with my girlfriends. Men do! In fact I can’t get through a 30 minute TV show without hearing about Erectile Dysfunction.

So why are we not talking about this? We talk about Postpartum Depression, we talk about struggling with breast feeding, we talk about our periods, we talk about stretch marks, we talk about everything but that damn Pink Elephant standing in the corner.

As your marriage grows and life events happen then your SEX life has to evolve around it all. There will be peaks and valleys within your intimacy.

When you first get married and go through the “honeymoon” stage you are having a lot of sex. Or at least you should be. You are impressing each other and doing tricks. Waking up to brush your teeth before the other wakes up. You are setting the alarm early just to get in some booty time before work. You’re keeping your lady parts all cleaned up and pretty. Maybe even a little glitter and some rhinestones. What? You don’t do that? Don’t judge me.

Then life sets in and you get pregnant and your belly stretches and your boobs get bigger (yay! Until they deflate like old withered banana peels) and then you and your husband share the most intimate moment you will ever experience – the birth of your child. Your husband is amazed and just thinks you are awesome and strong and blah, blah, blah. I can tell you right know that after that moment was gone, I was worried about how my lady parts would look after pushing a bowling ball through a straw. I wondered how in the hell my vagina would ever bounce back. Well after 5, let me just say the vagina is one amazing muscle. It’s called KEGEL exercise. If you don’t know what that is then shame on you and look that shit up. It will save your life. Ok maybe not save your life but your husband will thank you for it.

So after birth you typically wait like 4-6 weeks before you resume the SEX. It sounds like a long time but it goes by quickly when you have a tiny human attached to your breast 24/7 and you sleep about as much as a serial killer. (I don’t know how much a serial killer sleeps. I just assume in that line of work that they sleep maybe 3 hours per night) Also I think the first 4 weeks after having a baby, you might shower 3 times. Every piece of clothing you own is stained with some type of bodily fluid and you can’t really ever pinpoint whose it is. Your vagina is sore and tired and possibly stitched up from having to be cut or torn to get the precious bundle of joy out. I almost forgot the hormones, Jesus the hormones. It’s like any second you could totally turn into the Hulk. Picture the Hulk with raw nipples and a stitched up vagina. That is scary. So it is no wonder that at 4-6 weeks after giving birth you are not ready to jump back into the sack and become the sex goddess you once were. So be patient and talk with your husband about why you are not ready. That is the key – TALK TO EACH OTHER. Find other ways to be intimate if going all the way is too much for you.

I will say this – If your child is approaching their first Birthday and you are still using the old “I just had a baby” excuse then you need help and so does your marriage. Don’t sweep that problem under the rug. Find out why you do not want to have sex! Are your hormones out of whack (that’s fixable) is your husband pissing you off? Tell him even if it starts a fight. Is the baby sleeping in your bed, then put a damn blanket on the floor and get busy. Hire a sitter and go down a quiet country road with your husband. If you live in the North Texas area, email me and I will give you some great quiet country road locations.

I would say at 3 or 4 months post birth I was back in the saddle again. Playing the meat flute. Gross. Even I can’t believe I just typed that. I was tired due to nursing a baby all night but I needed that connection with my husband. After a few weeks I feel a bit lost without it. I think we all should feel that way. Maybe not 24/7 but I think that being intimate with your husband should make your love cup runneth over. I believe that it is part of my wifely duty (don’t get your panties all bunched up) to make sure my husband is pleased and serviced.

Yes I just said serviced. It may sound a little like a job and it is, but it is a job that I love to do. In return Big Daddy makes sure all my needs are met as well. It is very mutual and all that sharing and caring will flow over into your everyday life.

A newly acquired friend from Roller Derby emailed me about this subject and said something that I just love. She mentioned how she thought it was a shame that so many married women don’t really enjoy sex and put very little work into keeping it fresh and fun. I totally agree with her. She has been giving her husband “The Blessing” and it has worked for 17 years.

There will be a part 2 this post and possibly a part 3. So email your thoughts and I will get to work on the 2nd part to this. I have a lot more to say on this subject.

Until then, clean up your lady parts, bedazzle your VAGINA and have SEX with your husband!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Rolling through my mind...

The entire month of May flew by quicker than a Hollywood marriage.

We took time out for a little vacation in Mexico, my children's schools are as busy as a whore on dollar day and not only have I joined a Roller Derby League but Big Daddy and Babs have joined.

Roller Derby practice has been great. Over the past month my skating skills have improved by leaps and bounds. I was placed on a team a few weeks ago and then was given the choice to transfer to a new team and I accepted the transfer. There are 4 teams within our league and they all kick ass. I am currently a member of the Funky Town Fugitives.

Then this happened...

yes that is my foot. my left foot.

2 screws, 2 clamps and a wire and humpty dumpty is back together again

side view of my new bionic ankle

Last Wednesday I was having the best practice of my life. Practice started with an endurance game and I won it. Probably because a few of the top girls let me. The rest of the practice was just awesome. I had adrenaline pumping through my veins. Then practice was coming to a close and we had 2 rounds of Queen of the Rink to play. Queen of the Rink is a game where all the skaters skate around the derby track and we knock each other down. Not like on Whip It but with legal shoulder and hip hits. It was the 2nd round and I knocked someone down and I lost my balance as well and spiraled and some other really crazy anti-gravity moves then finally hit the ground. Bad shit.

Long story short - My tibia was broke in 2 places - at the point where it meets the ankle- and the ligaments were torn and pulled away from the bone. On friday morning I went into surgery and they put it all back together with 2 screws, 2 clamps and a wire. I am in a walking boot but I can't actually put any weight on it for 6 weeks. Then if all has healed, a couple weeks of physical therapy and then I will be putting on my skates again and back on that rink to kick some ass.

So there you have it - May - it was a good month.

P.S. My Roller Derby name is Kung Pow Catalina

Friday, May 20, 2011

Don't hate me Mexico

It's been awhile, I know. slacker...

I have been in a bit of a writing slump lately. Busy with life. All good, just busy.

To slow down and regain some much needed balance, Big Daddy and I decided to take a little trip to the beautiful Riveria Maya in Mexico. We love it there. The people there are just amazing.

We decided to explore the region a little more than we usually do. We usually just stay holed up at the resort in the pool with beverages.

This time we got crazy and took the ferry to Cozumel and rented mopeds to tour around the island.

I have never driven a moped or anything with an engine and 2 wheels.

Upon exit of the Moped rental place an entire Mexican Family was nearly killed by some American chick with big fake boobs and flip flops.

At that point I took the moped back (sounds easy enough but I had to make big circle around the main part of the city to get it back and I actually cried a little.) Don't judge me unless you have driven a moped (for the first time) in the streets of Cozumel.

Once back to the rental place, I hopped on the back with Big Daddy and away we went.

I am  not going to bore you all with every detail about the excursion but I will highlight a few points:

   * Going 55mph on a moped while riding "bitch" feels alot like playing Frogger when you add in the insane amount of taxis and tour buses that you share the road with.

   * A swim suit cover up and red string bikini with flip flops is not the best attire for this mode of transportation.

   * Wearing a floppy beach hat with a helmet on top of it does not cover your entire face from the sun. It will leave your nose and mouth and chin uncovered. That will leave you with sun and windburn that resembles a Homeless person with a "Huffing" addiction.

   * The idea of riding through an ECO PARK sounds really awesome - what it really means is 15 miles of dirt roads, 7 iguanas, 2 crocodiles (1 might have been fake), a Vulture every mile (that should have been a hint to go back to Senor Frogs and drink) and sign that said the sea turtle portion of the tour is only available June through September.

* A 230lb hunk of man (Big Daddy) on a moped looks somewhat similar to the Bear on a tricycle, you would see at the circus.

* There are not gas stations on every corner, probably cause there are no corners in the middle of Cozumel.

* 2 people can travel roughly 50 miles on one moped before running out of gas.

* If the button that pops up the seat is broken, you can't put gas in the moped when you do find a gas station.

* There are no laws in Mexico that require Rental companies to keep Mopeds in top condition.

* If the moped begins to sputter because of low gas - just hop up and down on it and it will push every last drop of gas into the fuel line. WE DID THIS FOR THE LAST 5 MILES

* If vehicles travleing behind are refusing to pass you its not cause you are going too fast for them to pass. It's because the chick on the back of your moped is unaware her bikini bottoms have come untied (most likely due to the fact that her entire lower body was numb from being bounced around for 6 hours in an eco park) I can only imagine what my bare ass looked liked going 55mph on those roads. Something straight out of a rap video.

* The combination of taking a dip into the ocean and riding on the back of a moped for 6 hours is not kind to your lady area. Salt Water and chafing are not a good mixture either.

At the end of the day I was tired, sunburned, windchapped, dehydrated, hungry, walking funny, swollen and numb in the lower half of my body but remembering this made it all worth it:

No shit - swam right there.

 I would do it all again in a heartbeat. It was alot of fun and an adventure.

Here a few pics from the trip

Moments after this pic - it pissed on my back

Swings seats!

back off - He's all mine

Shake and Bake

Bear? Circus? You see it know - don't you?

Friday, April 29, 2011

12 weeks post op

It has been 12 weeks since my Mommy Makeover. For those new to my blog, On February 3rd I had a abdominoplasty (tummy tuck), abdominal muscle repair,liposuction to the flanks, full anchor lift to my breast and switched out my saline implants to silicone implants (high profile).

If you want to some what get into my head and find out my reasoning for choosing to undergo these surgeries - please click through this link A Mother's Secret. I wrote a guest post for Scary Mommy and her society.

I can not be any happier with my recovery and the results. I am pretty much back to 100% in all aspects of my life. I am just as strong as I was prior to surgery now, in fact stronger now because my abdominal muscles are all actually working together. Within in the last week or so, my ab muslces have relaxed and they do not stay contracted all day like they used to. I started doing ab work about 2 weeks ago. Just simple crunches on the ball and some weighted. It feels really great. The only thing that still lingers is swelling. It is not horrible but still happens and can be uncomfortable by the end of the day. The area the lipo was performed on (flanks:love handles) remains pretty tender (not painful) and will start swelling by around 3pm. Sometimes I wake up with swelling in those spots. This week especially.

 I recently have taken up the sport of Roller Derby. Practice is a few nights a week and I am having a hard time adjusting to the late night workouts. My swelling is ridiculous after 2 hours of ass busting skating. Typically I can put my binder and pads on when I got to bed and I wake up with a nice flat belly and hips but this week the swelling has followed me day and night. I am sure it is my body somewhat freaking out about the derby practices. Keep in mind I am not experiencing any unusual pain due to the surgery and/or practice. Just uncomfortable and the normal amount of soreness you would expect when asking your body to do what I have asked it to do the last couple weeks.

I snapped a few pics this morning and would like to share them with you all.

ok this was taken about 3 days before The Baby was born - January 17th,2010. Look at my belly, I was a BEAST!

12 weeks post op - See the swelling around my sides.

This is my right side. The scarring has healed so nicely. Its a but red but very flat. The point where the scar ends is still numb.

This is unbelievable to me. I am not sucking in at all. NOTHING hangs over. No muffin top.


So there you have it. Everything healing well. I am very happy with the results and would do it all over again in a heartbeat. If you are considering having a Mommy Makeover or any type of Plastic Surgery then by all means please go see Dr. Obaid at North Texas Plastic Surgery. I think him and his entire staff are just fabulous.

Stay wild my friends :)

Friday, April 22, 2011

Tutus are for Bad Asses

I know today should be Funny Friday and I should be putting up a story submitted by one of ya’ll but not today. I will get back to that next week.
I have several of you that have been inquiring about my recovery since I had a “Mommy Makeover” in February. I need to post some updated pics of it all, I will put some up next week.

My recovery is AWESOME – I am 10 weeks out and pretty much back to doing everything I was prior to surgery AND MORE. The scars are healing very nicely and get a little red once in a while but they have remained very flat and thin. It is just about bikini time and every bikini I know own does not hide the scar. I am cool with that. It is noticeable but it does not bother me as much as the 5 pregnancy belly hangover I once had. You gotta give a little to get a little. I was given release to get my tattoo fixed where it had been cut during surgery but I am not quite ready to have the scar poked and prodded on with a needle for what will most likely take 6-8 hours. I might just wait till this fall.

My workouts are back to full force and I have started working abs in just the past week or so. The sewing together of those ab muscles is a very weird feeling. Not painful, just tight. It all feels different when I perform concentrated ab movements. It probably feels the way it is supposed to but I just haven’t felt that in such a long time. I can feel each and every abdominal muscle work together when I even do just a simple crunch. It tightens from right under my sternum to the top of my lady parts and all the way around to my back. Pretty cool. The weirdest sensation is behind and around my belly button. I can feel every point that it was reconnected back into my body. Again, no pain just tight and somewhat numb.

My flanks where I had lipo done still swell and go numb by about 4pm. The swelling has gotten better but it still happens. I still wear my binder and the foam pads at night. I don’t have to but it really helps with the swelling and is a big source of comfort when I go to sleep. I don’t wear the binder at all during the day unless I am working on heavy leg day then I put it on for just the workout.

I did try and do my favorite Plyometric move – the “Frog hop” but that was a no go. I can’t take the impact of the landing yet. It feels like my scar line is going to just split wide open.

Over all my recovery has went as smooth as it could have gone. I actually went to my first  Roller Derby practice this week and made it out alive. Don’t go crazy on me, I got a complete physical release from my  Doctor of Miracles prior to it. I think I did pretty well. I did have to put my binder on about 30 minutes into practice but other than that everything went well. It was a lot of fun and I met some really awesome ladies. I am pretty sure I found my new hobby.

In fact I received some very valuable advice from the Captain of one of the Derby Teams:

“If you wear a tutu, you better be a BADASS, bringing you’re A+ game. Or else, you just look like a clown.”

And that is why I will not be wearing a tutu – at least not yet…
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