Driving and Diarrhea

This boy began Drivers Ed Friday morning:

Which why the title of this post has the word Diarrhea in it. Seriously it hurt every cell in my body to take him to this class. I had to go in and fill out the paperwork and then I was torn on whether I should stay and hold his hand or shit my pants because the entire process had make me sick to my stomach. I left, Figuring that if I stayed and shit my pants in front of his friends, he would surely kill me in my sleep. Then instead of being sad because he grew up and went onto the Coast Guard, I would be sad because most likely he would not have killed me but just slightly paralyzed me and instead of the Coast Guard he would be in prison for trying to kill his mother that had shit herself the first day of drivers ed.

I think the Lesson Learned here is that Drivers Ed could possibly lead to your death or maybe just slight paralyzation (word?) or at the very least dirty underwear.

What am I doing?

Recently I have totally redesigned how I eat and when I eat. I did quite a bit or research on the road I wanted to follow and went back to what I know works for my body. I have had several people ask me what I am doing and why I chose the method I did. I thought I would take a moment to share it with you all.

First though, I am no longer breastfeeding. Just throwing that out there so I don't get any crazy ass comments about how horrible this is to do while breastfeeding.


Basically it is a super low (20 grams or less) carbohydrate, high protein diet. It is a form of Atkins, although I do pay attention to the calories and fat a bit more than what Atkins recommends.

I eat no sugar, none, nada, zero, zilch. 
No carb from any type of grain. Not even whole super healthy wheat.
That means NO Breads, Pasta, nothing starchy.
No fruit ( at a certain point I can add some in)
Nothing fried

I could go on and on and list the things I am not eating right now. It is actually easier to list the things I can eat:

PROTEIN- Most all meats and fish cooked by grilling, baking or pan cooking with olive oil - Eggs cooked anyway as long as if you fry it you do it with olive oil.
All the vegetables you can eat except no corn or peas. Easy with the onions and tomatoes.
I can have 1 small avocado per day
I can use real butter
That's pretty much it
Water, tea and coffee. Using splenda (2 packs per day is the maximum) Lots of water.
Cheese - like 2oz a day but I have removed just about all cheese from my diet.
Besides Cheese you can have cottage cheese but I gag every time I even look at that.
You can use use some condiments but you have to read the labels carefully. Make sure the carb count is below 2 grams per serving. I really do not use anything but some mustard every once in a while.

Now this is not how I will eat forever. This is phase one. You stay with this phase for a minimum of 2 weeks. you can stay longer. I plan to stay this long until I am 10% to goal weight (or my goal size). I will explain about the last 2 phases later.

By choosing the best carbs but keeping them under 20 grams per day, you put your body into Ketosis.
Ketosis simply mean that your body is using fat for energy.  Instead of using the carbs that you put in your mouth for energy, your body adjust to the limited carbs and draws upon your already stored fat to use for energy. The first week was really, really hard. I think it was the removal of all the sugar that was the hardest. It was like I was going through withdrawal. The no bread and pasta thing was just as difficult. I was moody and super tired. I couldn't have worked out if I wanted to. But after about 6 days I started feeling much better. I quit having the mid day sleepiness, I woke up feeling more energized and overall just felt good.

It has been 3 weeks since I started and last week I started working out again. I will cover my workouts in another post. I have lost 10lbs and about 4 inches overall. I plan to stay in this phase for probably another month.

So that's it. Its hard and sometimes I get sick of eating the food but it's what I am going to do. I no longer center my life or my families life around FOOD. I eat to fuel my body. I eat minimally processed healthy foods and I am getting the results I hoped I would.
          

BIG things

I have noticed lately that Big daddy is what I like to call a "All or nothing kinda man". The saying Go big or Go home fits him well.

For example:

The meat that was smoked today. Yes just one day all at one time. Not pictured is a huge Brisket.

He used this to smoke the above referenced meat:

He had this custom built for our backyard. No, we do not compete in cook offs or run a catering business. See "All or nothing"

His play truck is quite ridiculous

 This is the front tire - It hunts mud and usually finds it. It has been at times a money pit.

Wedding band SIZE 13 - Not kidding

Desert Eagle 50 Caliber - It's the width of my ass - I'm not shitting you.

My rack

That cracked you up, didn't it?

The boy that calls me his wife.

I have four boys that range from age (almost) 16, 13, (almost) 6 and 6 months. Each one a different creature, different likes, different dislikes but all have the share the common ground of loving their mama. A boy's love for his mother is like no other. Don't get me wrong, daughters love their mothers as well but differently especially while they still live together. Boys though love their mothers the same from day one. As far as my boys are concerned I know everything and it doesn't seem to change as they grow older.

Chance (aka Speed Racer) is especially in love with me. He is nearly 6 and will be starting Kindergarten in a few weeks. I'm not sad over this. I quit doing  the tearful first day of school thing about 2 kids ago. I am excited for him. I welcome the change in his life, new friends, new activities and a place other than my home to destroy. He is curious and impatient. He likes bugs, Nascar (help me sweet baby Jesus), bannanas, dry ramen noodles (gag) and me. In fact he argues daily with Big Daddy about who is married to me. Big Daddy likes to spur alot of these arguments by pointing out the fact that he is my real husband. It is downright precious and puts a smile on my face even after having the hardest day. I know this marriage will probably only last till he is in 1st grade and becomes to cool for my hugs and kisses and possibly turns his charm on and marries his teacher, but alas I can relish in the fact that for now I am the only woman in his life.

Chance aka Speed Racer

Hmmmm...

I am thinking that I will go this size in February - whatcha think??

Totally joking - What in the hell would possess someone to do that to their body?

Moving on:

Do not ever look up tummy tuck in You Tube and then watch the actual surgery if you are planning on getting a tummy tuck. Even if you are not ever planning on it don't watch those videos. I am apparently an idiot. I am not sure what I was thinking  when I did that. I already knew exactly how they did the surgery so I don't know why I wasn't happy with that. Now I have this image stuck in my brain:

One of my main concerns about this surgery is the belly button. Apparently they cut around it and then once all the excess skin is cut away and thrown out, they line it up back where it should be and sew it in place. From what I understand my doctor will reshape the belly button. It is still your old belly button but trimmed down in order to look proportionate with your new flat tummy.

Front end alignment

Way deep down, hidden within my brain was the realization that eventually the back and forth of weight gain and loss due to pregnancy would catch up with my normally thin and fat free body. I had lived for a very long time with the ability to bounce right back after pregnancy. Typically within 6 months I was back into even better shape than before. It seems though age had finally slowed that process down.

I was 19 when I had my first child and had no problem getting back into shape after he was born. 22 when my second was born and 25 when the third came into this world. No problems at all dropping the weight and toning right back up. At 30 I delivered my 4th child (3rd son) and from the moment I found out I was pregnant with him, I knew that being 30 and pregnant would be very different. I did lose all the pregancy weight but my body had changed shapes. Things were a bit saggy and skin was looser than it had ever been. Overall though I was happy with my body and did not let it bother me.

June 2005 I took the plunge and opted to have a breast augmentation. Hands down the best money ever spent. They were fabulous and made me feel great. Looking back I really should of had a lift along with the augmentation. A little advice - if you have been pregnant 4 times and breastfed all 4 of those children - you will want a lift along with the implants. Even if the surgeon tells you "ahh you are borderline and I think we can get away without doing the lift." Suck it up and do it right, you will not regret it.

May 2009 - Suprise - I am pregnant with #5 and 34 years old. Loved every last bit of that pregnancy. I did not gain anymore weight than with the others but I knew bouncing back after this pregnancyw as going to be hard. My age and the fact that I will be the mother of 5 children and time will be in short supply. I delivered another beautiful boy via emergency c-section. My first and last csection.

So now 6 months later I am left with saggy skin and abdominal muscles that have shown the effects of 5 pregnancies and a c-section. I am not at the weight I would like to be at but I am also not far from it. I am happy with all of my body except the tummy area.

I had brought up the idea of having a"mommy makeover" to Big Daddy (hubby) while still pregnant with our last child. Of course he supports me in whatever I want to do and I am very thankful for that. I got up the nerve to go see 2 different plastic surgeons last week and things went really well. Big daddy even went with me to both consultations. We have chosen a doctor and I will be having the surgery on February 3rd, 2011. I did not want to do it during the end of the year and all the holidays. I figure this date will give me enough recovery time to get into a itty bitty bikini by next summer.

Yes I said itty bitty bikini - I'm a mom not a nun - so deal with it. I will be having a full tummy tuck, flank lipo, inner thigh lipo, breast lift and implant exchange. I currently have saline implants and I will be getting silicone. This excites me beyond belief. Most everyone that I have shared this news with is supportive and excited along with me. I know the recovery is painful and yes I will have scar from hip to hip but I am willing to deal with all that just to get my body back. Call it vain, call it selfish, call it what you want. I call it reconstructive. I am sure the future post will be centered around this upcoming surgery at least for awhile.