Glitter on my soul

This week begins the countdown of the One Year birthday of my bitty boy. My 5th and final pregnancy.

 To catch up on this pregnancy and the story of his birth, please go here The story of Chayden King Campbell

I want to take some time this week and reflect on his birth. The good and the bad. I will be posting a New birth story this week. I wanted to redo it after I have had a year to soak it in, to soak him in, to soak in all the love my village of friends and family have given him and I this past year.

I want to start off this week with a story that my beautiful friend Kristine wrote after Chayden was born. Kristine (at the time) was a helper ( Midwife in training) to my Midwife (Lisa Black) and although I had never met Kristine prior to my last month of pregnancy, she has became a part of me and a part of Chayden.

Kristine has left her glitter on my soul and along the way she managed she to sprinkle a bit on Chayden's as well and we are both better people for it.

This was written by Kristine and I read it at least every other week. Thank you my sweet friend for this memory.


Chayden King Campbell



By Kristine Tawater


Apprentice Midwife

In my 6 years as a birth doula I have written A LOT of birth stories about a lot of babies. But when you asked me to write one for you I sat in front of a blank screen for quite a while. Because this birth story; to me wasn’t so much about the actual happenings of the birth of a baby to me. It’s easy to mark the happenings in timed increments…what happened when and so on.

But this was a different sort of story for me for many different reasons. First I was not as familiar with your family as I would have been as a doula. This was one of my first births as an apprentice midwife and so I saw things in a different light. But you, you were different too. And you had your own light.

You had a plan for this birth because you really really love your baby. Your plan was to bring him quietly and peacefully and gently into this world. You learned about homebirth, I assume from a home birthing friend and you made a careful choice to hire a midwife and birth this baby in your home.

But as we all know, plans are not rigid, they must bend to the will of everything but our own desires. And your desires and your will bent far past where you thought it could.

Your labor was slow to start. But slow can be a good thing. I think it kind of threw you off a little because of having birthed 4 others before. But you did it well. When I got to your house, things had slowed a bit and your confidence was a little shaky I think. I think you were tired after bouts of prodromal labor. I think your mind was ready for your body to get the show on the road! Your spirit was well. So we just chilled out and watched your changes. You took a walk with Natasha & your husband to try and kick start things. We ate dinner & I got to meet Autumn.

As things progressed your daughter started to stay by my side quite a bit and I could see in her a dawning. Her eyes were witness to what it is at the very core of being a woman. She is a wonderful creature and it was the most fascinating experience!

The lights were dimmed and trying to follow your birth plan, Lisa and I stayed out of the room as much as possible to give you the quiet intimacy that you longed for in this very new kind of birth experience, far removed from bright sterile hospital lighting. Your room was warm, dimly candle lit that put a beautiful amber glow throughout the room and the candles smelled lovely.


You labored on your ball rocking and swaying and leaning against the bed. The baby always sounded good, he was happy during labor.

I loved that your sense of humor was not thwarted by labor. It was so fun to see someone so obviously laboring hard quip jokes and sarcasm and to see a woman genuinely enjoying the experience, even the pain. Your husband was there, a quiet but rock steady support. He just flowed with you, he didn’t seem out of place or nervous as some dads tend to do, he just looked at you with the purest form of admiration and love I think I have ever seen. He is solid. He held your hand and didn’t move for the longest periods of time, I knew he must be uncomfortable but he wasn’t going anywhere because simply- you needed him where he was. And so he stayed.

Autumn, I smile every time I think of her. She has gentleness to her. She has concern and empathy and that deep seeded desire to comfort that every mother has. Her desire to hold you up through labor was enormous. She asked me questions in quiet whispers, What is happening? Is this Ok? What should I do? How do I help my mom?

She would watch me and Tasha and Jason and she would mimic beautifully. Then she found herself. She found her rhythm and she found the woman she will someday be. She held your hand, she rubbed your back and your arms and looked at you with sheer adoration. She was never frightened of the sounds and the seriousness. And God love that girl she stayed awake until sleep claimed her for its own and I tucked her in a chair with a warm blanket and told her to rest. That I would wake her if anything important happened. She was terrified she would miss the birth! But I think the most amazing thing about her is what she saw between you and Jason. The love, the trust, the intimacy that is birth. I think birth is the second most intimate thing you do as a woman and the first is the reason you got there. So for her to experience the intimacy of a solid marriage will forever stick in her head about what love really is. You gave her a gift.

Through labor, things progressed slowly but surely with nothing standing out to us as caregivers. The labor was normal. I know this is probably where you have the questions. I think your bag of waters broke around 11:00-11:30 and soon thereafter you began to make the sounds of birth. The low, grunting pushing working sounds all mothers make. Jason was there, your mom and sister and sweet Autumn was awake.

You tried some pushes, went to the bathroom and pushed a little more. Chayden sounded happy and all was well. So we tried some different positions with Dr.Pam making adjustments. You squatted and pushed, Jason held you up, I gave you a rope to try and you pushed. When you got tired, you pushed on the side of the bed, on top of the bed laying on your side and you pushed hard.

After a little while, you kind of expect a baby to be close in a 5th time mom. But he didn’t seem to be coming down to meet us. I tried everything I knew as a doula and a few things I had seen work in other births. I watched Lisa closely and we listened to what Chayden was telling us and he was getting tired.

We pulled out the O2 to help give you and Chayden a boost and it seemed to be what he needed. HE seemed to bounce back well after contractions and pushes with the oxygen. Autumn stayed right by your head holding the mask and never taking her hand off you. As I watched the experience of Lisa and Bonnie I felt the decision coming. It was about 12:00 midnight. Lisa checked again to see if she could determine what was hanging your boy up and then Bonnie did the same so they could compare. They did not think he was posterior but both said his position made it hard to tell. There was some concern in their eyes because you were getting so tired through all this hard work.

Finally I knew Lisa was about to say it. She told you that she didn’t think this birth was going to happen at home. That Chayden was ok but he was tired and you were tired and you needed to make a decision regarding going to the hospital to get your boy. I knew you would be brokenhearted but you were really, really resolved to do what needed to be done for your baby regardless of what your wishes were. This is the hallmark of a true home birthing mama. You want home birth, you need homebirth, but when the baby changes the plan, you go to where you need to go to have a healthy baby.

Once the decision was made, we packed the things we needed, prepared the cars and left. I assured Autumn that everything was fine but sometimes babies need more help than we can give at home. She was afraid but she was so very brave and Jason, was again a rock.

Now, I have wondered before why you would want to live so far away from “everything” and on following Tasha to the hospital I now know it is because living by the Motor Speedway is the only place her driving skills can be fully appreciated. :o) So we flew to the hospital and though I wasn’t in the car with you I knew this was the physically hardest ride you have probably ever been on.

We arrived at the hospital about 12:30am to the flurry of OMG from the nursing staff that the homebirths arrived. I don’t know why this is always such a cause for alarm. But we were given a room and went thru the rushed intake, and the whole while your baby boy was strong though he needed to be born. Jason stood by your side and whispered to you and stroked you and comforted you and helped you through until it was time to go. He never faltered.

After the decision was made to go to surgery, you were taken away and Jason was left in the room with us for a while. That man loves you. Real true love. He held it together beautifully because he was afraid for his wife and his baby but he was rock solid when you needed him and he would have never let you see his worry. We talked to him, giving him a rundown of what to expect and tried to help him calm his fears a bit before they came for him too. Dr Cummings showed up all cool calm and collected and said he would step in but then the on call doc came in and took over.

When you both left. The room just deflated. Transport is hard on the family, but it is hard on the midwife too. Did I make the right call? Did I make it soon enough? Who is taking care of my client now and are they treating her with kindness? What the heck is going on back there? Everyone in the room prayed.


I prayed for you and I prayed for Chayden and I prayed for the burden that Lisa was now shouldering. Lisa prayed and Tasha prayed and we lifted you to God for his protection.

Then we got the word! Oh joyous praise for a healthy baby boy and mama! Over the next little bit we learned that it was indeed a good call. That tangled up flexed back stubborn boy was not going to come out the traditional way and we were all so relieved that you were all ok. I think all the air and adrenaline we had been living on rushed out of the room and we all just collapsed & waited for the ok to see you.
 Over the next few days, I want you to know that Lisa and I talked every single day for probably 6 hours going over and over every detail of your birth. She needs to make sure she did it all right, that she took care of you the way you deserved. That the call was good, that everything was how it had to be. Then we would hang up and do it all again the next day. Your midwife was my midwife twice and now she is my mentor because I trust her. I trust her knowledge and her sincerity and her willingness to make the hard decisions. I trust her to train me to be a good midwife. I trust that she will always put health and wellbeing before wishes and plans because that is a midwifes job.

It’s harder for us because you come to us expecting something you can’t get from a hospital birth, even a natural one. It’s not like expecting a hospital birth and being pleasantly surprised you got something different. And because of that sometimes really hard decisions have to be made. But a midwife, unlike a lot of physicians has to care for the physical health and the emotional wellbeing of her client with every decision she has to make.
 I was honored to attend your birth. I am sorry that it was different than what you wanted but I think you learned a lot about yourself that night and I learned a lot about your family and the fact that your family is a fortress of love and caring. I got to see you have a dream and have to change it during the making and do so with grace and acceptance. I saw your daughter become aware of what true marriage and womanhood and intimacy is all about. I saw your mother and sister stand by your dreams and a team of women gather to circle you and support you and focus only on you as you tried to reach it, and I saw them gather you in love and concern when it became apparent that your dream would not be realized and I shared tears with a midwife who truly was sadden by the loss of that dream.

But you shined mama. Your strength lit the night, your determination lit your eyes, the love you share with your husband could light fires and you glowed with the miracle of your son and I was a witness to it all and for that I am truly, truly grateful. I will never forget your birth.




Kristine and I and Jason during labor