As you can imagine with 5 children in tow, from time to time I will get some of the most ridiculous questions from total strangers.
My favorite is the one that goes something like this "Wow, why would you have that many?"
Picture this being asked in front of my children who all can hear and understand the rudeness of such a question. I typically answer with something really sarcastic like " Well, my husband is part of a militia that believes Texas is its own state and we just want extra back up." That usually shuts them down.
It does get me to thinking of just how I decided to have 5 children. I though and I though and all I could come up with is the fact that I seriously hate amusement parks.
Hang in there with me, this is gonna work itself out.
You see, I am not one to enjoy the amusement park. Whether it be Six Flags, Disney Land, Disney World or even the State Fair. I could seriously do away with it all and live happily ever after.
The lines, the people, the kids, the sweat, germs, snot, blood, puke and whatever other bodily fluids that cover every stinking inch of the place. Not too mention the ass raping they give you when buying tickets, food, drinks, etc.. To top it off they take pictures of you screaming for your life on the worlds largest WOODEN roller coaster and you like you just emerged from wildest 48 hour cocaine bender with your pal Charlie Sheen. Then you gotta buy the damn picture for like $55.00 just so it won't be displayed in their ass raping, picture taking kiosk.
Prior to having children it was no big deal to say "No Thanks, not my thing."
But as soon as you introduce your firstborn to TV, it is all over. The amusement parks now how to work a 3 year old. The commercials sure make the places look like a glorious, cloud jumping, glitter throwing, unicorn riding fantasy world and your kid will not shut up about it.
I was scared, I had no idea how I was going to keep my child from knowing that I loathe these places. I mean I was a MOM for gods sake. I picked boogers now, I chewed food and fed it to my little one to make sure he wouldn't choke, I BREASTFED IN PUBLIC. I would go to the ends of the earth for this child of mine, but I sure the HELL was not going to an amusement park.
Think,Think,Think - what could I possibly do to get out of going to the amusement park?
Hmmm.... you know you don't see alot of pregnant women at amusement parks. There you have it.
I decided that I would just continue to get pregnant every time one of my children reaches the ages of 3-5 years old. Perfect, I like being pregnant, I love babies and I hate amusement parks.
So far all you people out there that wonder why I have 5 children.
It's SIMPLE - I HATE AMUSEMENT PARKS.
Now that I am done with child bearing, you may be wondering "How are you going to get out of going now?"
My oldest child is now driving and almost 17 - he loves amusement parks and he loves his siblings. He can take them :)
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9 comments:
A perfect solution. Congratulations! My younger brother and his wife have 5 kids and she tells stories about rude people all the time. But her favorite was the grocery store clerk who took one look at her and her brood and said, "Wow-- I bet Christmas at your house is awesome!" Always makes me smile.
My friend, start carrying a taser gun for those insensitive freaks that ask you that question. I hate parks too, but I hate rude people more. Lets start taking them down one by one. Ready- go.
Like the solution too, we celebrated in this house two months ago when No.1 child got his license.
As for large families, I wanted three kids, my husband 4, I told him the only way he'd get 4 is if I had a set of twins on the last pregnancy. He always wins. Wish I had more!!!
As usual right on top with the art of writing something that makes me laugh out loud...love this blog....love it!!
Great solution, laughing all the way through it as usual...Whoa for the next person that wonders about the long line of kids following you guys into the mall...love it
Love it--wish I had thought of it. Living in Orlando there is NO way to avoid the damn parks though (so NEVER move here or you'll be utterly screwed).
And if you really want to hate theme parks suffer through a "summer internship" at one. Basically slave labor with a fancy name. I hung the mouse from a noose on my last day and refused to set foot in one of his parks...until I had a kid...damn...
I think you are a genius!
I LOVE the Texas/extra backup comment. SO FUNNY. Texas is it's own country right? That's what I was always taught and am teaching it to my almost five children. I seriously am going to have to remember that line whenever we are asked. Our kids are so close in age that people stare at us as we walk by, clearly thinking we're insane...hehe. It'll be fun when baby #5 arrives.
New to your blog and love it!
I thought something similiar but in the sense that they'd have someone to ride the rollercoaster with so it wouldn't have to be me. Only I stopped at 3. 5 might kill me. Perfect story about backup!!
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