Being the mom of 5 children, 4 boys and 1 girl, ages 16,13,10,6 &1, it is at times like I have to be 5 different mothers. Each one is at an age that requires being handled in different ways. What works with one child usually does not work with the other. I also have 5 children with their own personalities. I can yell at one and it works but with the other it just makes things worse. I can cry at one and he breaks down and gives into me but trying that with The Diva will get you nothing but "eye rolling".
Each year, each child enters a new and exciting stage of life. The stage that scares me the most is when you know its time to talk about S E X. This what not something that I wanted to be caught off guard about.
Big Daddy and I had discussions about how we wanted to handle the TALK and how much we should tell and were we both on the same page about how we felt about the whole Safe SEX or No Sex at all.
We both decided we would base our talks around the fact that S E X is REAL. We did not want our kids to think SEX was bad or dirty or that their desires and hormonal urges were anything to be ashamed of.
We also did not want them to be scared to talk to us about S E X.
Now the real question is W H E N do you talk to your kids about sex? At what age? Well I don't think there is a set in stone age, I think it is more about each individual child and what they are ready for. You also need to make sure you are telling them only what they need to know. I hear stories all the time about parents who over do the talk with gory details. For example when The Wild Man (5year at the time) asked if his baby brother was gonna come out my butt - I simply said yes, gonna fly right out of my ass with wings and everything. He cracked up and said that's gonna hurt and that was it. I answered his question with what I call "age appropriate truth." At 5 - the Wild Man - did not need to hear about VAGINAS.
The Wild Man is well aware that girls do not have "weenies" and when he asked my why I didn't have a weenie - I simply said because God made us different. He was totally satisfied with that answer.
Now it gets tricky when you get yourself a real live preteen. The thing I realized with my 2 oldest boys (13 & 16) is that we can sit down and talk to them about S E X or they will find out from friends. I don't about you but I would much rather be the one talking to my kids about sex than them learning from their peers. You can't keep them from learning from their peers but you can make sure they know what right and what is not.
Both my older boys knows the basics of what sex is and I am sure have heard about things that I could not even imagine. After we were sure that what they knew about SEX was correct, we started right in about the consequences of not just SEX but also about all the other things that could lead to SEX. Like STD and pregnancy. Having a 1 year old baby brother has been a real eye opener for the big boys. Especially my 16 year old. The Boy (16) loves his baby brother to death but is well aware of what a drag a kid would be.
In fact one of the reasons I chose to home birth this last time was to share this labor with our children. I wanted my boys to see what a woman has to go through to birth a baby. I especially wanted my daughter to experience it. Now The Baby was not born at home but not due to lack of trying, I labored 10 hours and pushed for 2 hours before my midwife made the call to get to the hospital. If you are interested you can read his birth story here Birth Story. The entire experience brought us all closer and the love we all have for this stubborn, backwards baby is truly a blessing.
The one thing I have tried to nail into my big boys thick skulls is that although SEX may sound really awesome, it is truly amazing how much damage a 2 minute activity can do to your life. Yes 2 MINUTES.
I love to throw out how if they decide to engage in any sexual activity that they have a real chance of catching a disease and not just with penetration. I threw out the word ORAL and I thought they were going to both pass out. I told them they could get diseases in their mouths or on their penises from someones mouth. Big Daddy was truly uncomfortable with my HONESTY about this but whatever it takes to keep them zipped up and just get them out of high school before they lose their virginity.
I also may or may not have printed out body parts riddled with STD's and taped them to their walls. Don't judge.
Now The Diva is gonna be a whole different story. I have not talked about sex with her. She knows exactly where babies come out of, she knows about her body and why we have periods. We have not ventured into the SEX talk. She has not asked about it and truthfully I don't how I will handle it when she does. I would like to say I will handle it with the ease that I have with my big boys but I just don't know. It seems different with her. I don't think I can treat it the same way with her. She will be 11 later this year and I know the time is coming.
So tell me - How did you handle the sex talk with your children, especially your girls. I sure could use some advice.
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4 comments:
As usual, right on track. Every child has to have the SEX talk. WITH THE PARENTS~~~!!!!
Would be surprised if half or more of the kids they talk with don't have that talk at ALL...
When HoodyHoo was a small girl child, I luckily worked in a Mother Baby unit - leading to visits to work, comments about babies, seeing women in labor walking in the halls, hearing hollering and carrying on - a good background for the talking about sex. Which started when she started talking. I remember when she asked in the outside, enclosed but public shower in her loud little 3 year old voice "Mamma, did you remember to wash your vagina?" Let me tell you, it took a lot of guts to walk out of that shower into the line of people waiting to get in. Sounds like you are doing a good job. Just make it part of life, cause that is what it is.
I've handled it exactly the same way with my girls that I have with my 16 year old. They know I got pregnant at 16, that I had my son at 17 and that it changed EVERYTHING. They know I got pregnant the very first time I ever had sex and they know that I got lucky that that's ALL I got. We've always been open about sex and, like you, I didn't want it to be a taboo subject. I didn't want them to think it was dirty and wrong and therefore exciting. I mention it whenever it's appropriate in conversation and my kids know EXACTLY how stupid I think it is to be taken in by peer pressure when it comes to this subject. Call it using Mommy peer-pressure. ;) We've talked about periods and sex and babies and since my youngest (now next-to-youngest) was 6 when the baby was born (the baby is now 3) they are all more than aware of how sucky it would be to have to deal with a baby as a teenager. They would all rather play ball and watch tv and be kids, and that's exactly what I want them to want. They also babysit regularly so they REALLY don't want to have a kid right now.
I think you're doing it exactly right. And when your little Diva gets old enough to have The Talk, you'll handle it just as well as you did with your boys. It's actually easier to talk to girls about it, I've found. Because we have so much in common with them. ;)
I just told Red that if she was gonna do it, to not be a whore about it. But if she was gonna be a whore then she better be making enough $ to pay me to take care of her babies.
And she can't live with me either....
So far, it's worked but she wants to get on birth control now so.....
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