I have been in a bit of a writing slump lately. Busy with life. All good, just busy.
To slow down and regain some much needed balance, Big Daddy and I decided to take a little trip to the beautiful Riveria Maya in Mexico. We love it there. The people there are just amazing.
We decided to explore the region a little more than we usually do. We usually just stay holed up at the resort in the pool with beverages.
This time we got crazy and took the ferry to Cozumel and rented mopeds to tour around the island.
I have never driven a moped or anything with an engine and 2 wheels.
Upon exit of the Moped rental place an entire Mexican Family was nearly killed by some American chick with big fake boobs and flip flops.
At that point I took the moped back (sounds easy enough but I had to make big circle around the main part of the city to get it back and I actually cried a little.) Don't judge me unless you have driven a moped (for the first time) in the streets of Cozumel.
Once back to the rental place, I hopped on the back with Big Daddy and away we went.
I am not going to bore you all with every detail about the excursion but I will highlight a few points:
* Going 55mph on a moped while riding "bitch" feels alot like playing Frogger when you add in the insane amount of taxis and tour buses that you share the road with.
* A swim suit cover up and red string bikini with flip flops is not the best attire for this mode of transportation.
* Wearing a floppy beach hat with a helmet on top of it does not cover your entire face from the sun. It will leave your nose and mouth and chin uncovered. That will leave you with sun and windburn that resembles a Homeless person with a "Huffing" addiction.
* The idea of riding through an ECO PARK sounds really awesome - what it really means is 15 miles of dirt roads, 7 iguanas, 2 crocodiles (1 might have been fake), a Vulture every mile (that should have been a hint to go back to Senor Frogs and drink) and sign that said the sea turtle portion of the tour is only available June through September.
* A 230lb hunk of man (Big Daddy) on a moped looks somewhat similar to the Bear on a tricycle, you would see at the circus.
* There are not gas stations on every corner, probably cause there are no corners in the middle of Cozumel.
* 2 people can travel roughly 50 miles on one moped before running out of gas.
* If the button that pops up the seat is broken, you can't put gas in the moped when you do find a gas station.
* There are no laws in Mexico that require Rental companies to keep Mopeds in top condition.
* If the moped begins to sputter because of low gas - just hop up and down on it and it will push every last drop of gas into the fuel line. WE DID THIS FOR THE LAST 5 MILES
* If vehicles travleing behind are refusing to pass you its not cause you are going too fast for them to pass. It's because the chick on the back of your moped is unaware her bikini bottoms have come untied (most likely due to the fact that her entire lower body was numb from being bounced around for 6 hours in an eco park) I can only imagine what my bare ass looked liked going 55mph on those roads. Something straight out of a rap video.
* The combination of taking a dip into the ocean and riding on the back of a moped for 6 hours is not kind to your lady area. Salt Water and chafing are not a good mixture either.
At the end of the day I was tired, sunburned, windchapped, dehydrated, hungry, walking funny, swollen and numb in the lower half of my body but remembering this made it all worth it:
|No shit - swam right there. |
Here a few pics from the trip
|Moments after this pic - it pissed on my back|
|back off - He's all mine|
|Shake and Bake|
|Bear? Circus? You see it know - don't you?|