Sex and Marriage part 2: Feeling Frisky or maybe not

Its been a long day. From the second you woke up, you have done nothing but perform the everyday task that are asked of you. Wether you stay at home with your children or you work outside the home (with adults that act like children), you most likely have had maybe a total of 22 minutes to yourself. 22 minutes in 2 or 3 minute increments - never 22 whole minutes all together.  I've been on both sides of the stay at home and work outside the home issues. In my experience neither is  easier or harder than the other. 

At the end of the day you are just plain tired and usually feeling frisky is at the bottom of your "to do" list. 

You also most likely do not feel pretty or even close to sexy. With us women that is a big deal, feeling sexy.  A daily shower is sometimes a huge accomplishment. FRUMPY - that's the word that comes to mind when I'm not feeling sexy. 

I think I felt Frumpy for at least 4-6 months after each baby was born. I can remember thinking "why in then world would he want to have sex with me?". I couldn't imagine that I was attractive at that point. Hair in the eternal bun or ponytail, dark bags under the eyes, if I was lucky legs shaved but usually just one, still rocking the granny panties and dryed up Lanisoh cream on my nipples. 

In fact at times I can remember being angry that Big Daddy wanted sex. Yes, Angry! Mad that he had been able to find his "mojo" so easily, or maybe mad that it never left him. Angry that his body hadn't been asked to go through what mine did, angry that my belly once was full and round and held such a glorious little creation and now it just looked like a frowning skin apron. But really angry that when he looked at me, I saw awe and gratitude in his eyes. All the things that made me feel frumpy, made him want me even more. I didn't understand it and I still don't but I appreciate it. 

Getting my sexy back was much easier after the first 3 were born. I was in my early and middle twenties and it just came easier then. With the last 2 I was 30 and 35 after their births. Finding my sexy, getting my groove back was much harder. Time was not on my side and my body was reeling from 2 pregnancies in my thirties. My body was also adjusting to just being in my thirties. 

To me getting my sexy back meant I needed to get my fat ass to the gym. Now in no way am I saying that SEXY is defined by how in shape you are. Sexy might mean something different to you. For me personally, I feel sexy when I am in shape. When the fat is peeled away and the muscles are taught and toned. 

My point with all this is to find what makes you feel sexy and make a commitment to yourself and do it. By "it" I mean whatever makes you feel sexy which in turn will lead to the actual doing of "it". 

Because you not feeling sexy, you feeling frumpy is a horribly lame excuse to not be jumping your husband bones. He is your husband and you are his wife and it is your duty to service him. 

I said it, it's your duty and you better be doing it with a smile on your face and glitter on your lady parts. Now with that being said he has a duty to you as well. He provides for your every need and protects you and your family with his life. I say it's a fair trade off.  Or at least thats how it works in my house. It has worked well and Big Daddy is an amazing provider and protector and well I thank him for that around 3-5 times per week.  

Now does it mean that in your marriage you need to be doing it 3-5 times per week, no it doesn't. Every marriage is different and the sex will vary through the different stages in your lives. Right now I'm good with 3-5 times per week but there were times when once every 2 weeks was like a miracle and we both were ok with that. We are both so keenly in tune with each other that during the low times, we just understood. Although I totally believe that if you go for more than 90 days in a funk then you need to sit down and figure it out. 

Marriage should be treated like a delicate flower. It needs attention all the time. I don't want y'all thinking that keeping your sex life up to par is just the wives responsibility. It's a 2 way street but typically men need directions to get the show on the road. 

For example: this is how NOT to get your husband to understand what you need
 
Wife (standing at the sink after dinner)- husband walks up behind her and does that penis gyrating rubbing motion thing that they think turns us on (it actually does turn me on, sorry) and whispers naughty things in her ear.
Wife reacts like this " I'm exhausted, I have dinner to clean up then laundry to fold and then baths for the little ones, I don't have time for this.
Husband reacts with " You are always tired" he then grabs a beer out the frig and plops his ass on the sofa and the only thing that is getting turned-on is the TV.

All that could have been avoided by learning how to speak to your husband. 
For example - same set up as above but say this after the penis gyrating rotation thing:" honey I can not wait to get in bed with you, can you help me clean up dinner then bathe the littles while I fold a load of laundry?" and then full on French kiss him, lots of tongue and even bite his lower lip a little. What happens then is quite miraculous, 2 adults join together and work as a team to accomplish the daily chores and in the end they are each rewarded with SEX. Sign me up bitches.

After awhile the need to ask for help around the house is not necessary, it just happens because he knows the reward will be time alone with you and you witnessing him help with the soul draining tasks around the house will be the biggest Turn on you could ever imagine.

Trust me, I know that getting your Sexy back and filling up the ole Frisky tank takes time and alot of work but you and your husband deserve it. 

So strap on the leather chaps, grab those reins and ride that cowboy!